Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize