Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
