Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
