Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
