I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
