I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My balls are so social today.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
