He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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