**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
