I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
