Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
