Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
