When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
