Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
