it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
