Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
