i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
