I love black thongs
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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