you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
