I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
