How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
