remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
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