based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
