How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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