I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
