I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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