using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
