if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He passed out mid-signature
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
