someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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