I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
