You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
