Your face is a jimmy john
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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