I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm passing your future prison.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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