Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
