Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
