Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
