my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
