went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
