ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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