so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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