do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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