and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize