We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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