That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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