areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize