i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
