What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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