I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
