There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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