remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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