now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
