god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
