here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
