so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
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