even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
