is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
