My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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