Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
