I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
