I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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