I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
