Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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