if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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