Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
