True but thats because hes a fetus.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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