Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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