Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
