oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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