New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Im just a social blackout drinker.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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