I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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