Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
