We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
