We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
